Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
