We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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