we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
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