I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
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