i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
The convent might be a nice break from real life
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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