Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize