If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
