Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
