the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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