Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
