This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
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