he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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