the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
