i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
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