Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
We left an ass print on the piano.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
