Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
