and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
