He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
