Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
