My liver just broke up with me...
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
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