I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
