his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
