I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
