A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
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