Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
