if you like me you must not know who I am
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
