Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
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