so let's talk penis.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
