M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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