im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
