My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
