You're a womanizer and a bitch.
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
