there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
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