we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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