So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
