You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
