??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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