There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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