you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Randomize
