1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
