A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
