Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Randomize