Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize