i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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