i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Randomize
