lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
