I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
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