ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
