you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize
