i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
