so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
