If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Randomize