I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
