the only muscles i have these days is kegels
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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