So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
