How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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