Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
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