Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
