i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
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