i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
