strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
