You just made me feel so damn special
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize