Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
it hurts more in the daytime
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
