At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
either way he was missing a nipple.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
