He had one of those small greek statue penises
my being single is dangerous.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
