Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
