I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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