Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
