Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize