He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
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