I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
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