you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
