i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
