Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
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