he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize
