I looked at my own cervix.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
you inspire me to be a worse person
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I FOUND THE LEGS
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
