she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize
