I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Randomize