dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Randomize
