The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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