Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
