Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Randomize
