We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
