He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Randomize
