Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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