the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
