Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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