when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
