Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
