I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
