I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
