just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Randomize
