don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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