im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
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