I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize