Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
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