This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
