Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Randomize
