It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Randomize
